Parenting For Humanity Blog

A quick online search for discipline tips for children reveals fairly standard results- be consistent, use natural and/or logical consequences alongside rewards to increase good behaviors and communicate limits in a clear and developmentally appropriate manner.

Shift to googling about “challenging” kids and most of the advice is the same as above, only with added emphasis. The message is clear- if your child is challenging, you need to be more consistent, more clear, perhaps adding more limits and more rewards.

There are several flawed assumption inherent in most of this advice. One such assumption is that if a child is explosive, having a hard time coping, that his parents aren’t working hard enough- perhaps they are inconsistent, confused or just plain lazy. Help the parents be more clear in their consequences and the child’s behavior will improve.

Another flawed assumption is that if something isn’t working, (rewards, consequences, increased limits) adding more of the same will help the situation. If rewards aren’t working, perhaps they need to be more accessible, more immediate, or more enticing. The consequences might be more effective if they were swifter, more consistent, perhaps even harsher.

The missing piece of all these discipline systems is skill. None of them assess whether or not the children actually have the skills they need to meet the expectations set before them. None of these reward charts actually teach problem-solving skills or communication, so while they are possibly helpful in the short-term, they are woefully lacking in the long term.

Ross Greene has been making these points in his books for a while now. Explosive Child opens the door to teaching chronically frustrated kids problem-solving skills, and introduces the essential underpinning of Collaborative Problem Solving, the premise that children do well if they can.

Join us this week, October 15 as we introduce some of the ideas from The Explosive Child and lay the groundwork for our visit with Ross Greene about his newest book, Lost at School, coming up on October 29!

On October 29th, Ross Greene, Ph.D. (author of the Explosive Child,) is going to talk about his new book, “Lost at School”, on our internet radio show!  We are very excited….So in preparation we are going to do both a show and a free interactive workshop on some of the basics.  Here’s the schedule.

Oct 15th – 10aMST/12pEST “Ross Greene’s ‘Children do well if they can’” internet radio show and podcast (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/parenting for live or download, or subscribe in iTunes)

Oct 24th – 12pMST/2pEST – Free experiential telenet workshop, “Ross Greene’s Children Do Well If They Can” – signup required, space limited.  We’ll explore concepts in more depth and collect your questions for Dr. Greene! Email parentingforhumanity@gmail.com to reserve a spot.

Oct 29th – 10aMST/12pEST “Lost at School” interview with Dr. Ross Greene.  Go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/parenting now and have it send you a reminder before the show, or listen afterwards.

Here’s the book at Amazon if you want to get it before the show.

In case you didn’t hear it on the show for the last couple of weeks, we are officially switching to Wednesdays for the fall.  The time will remain the same:  every Wednesday at 12 pm EST, 10 am MST.  For a list of upcoming shows, visit http://blogtalkradio.com/parenting .

We hope you’ll join us!

Lisa and Amy

Online communities for parents are plentiful- just google “due date” and you’ll find yourself starting to connect.

People find support networks through blogs, yahoo groups, bulletin boards and microblog platforms like Twitter.

Online groups can provide parents who are in similar situations, or who have already navigated the rocky terrain you face. Hearing that other parents have been there and survived, even getting their helpful tips, can make a challenging situation less difficult. Having a safe place to vent about the frustrations of parenthood, to ask, “is this normal?” and to witness other people’s triumphs can be both validating and educational.

Right now, we’re exploring over at Twittermoms. Join us, or post your favorite online community here, or let us know how you use your online support options.

We’re kicking off our fall guest speaker schedule with the author of a new book that both Amy and I really resonate with – “When The Labels Don’t Fit:  A New Approach to Raising a Challenging Child.”  We’ll be speaking with the author, Barbara Probst, on Thursday, September 18th at noon EST.  We highly encourage you to tune in!

Many children do things that seem odd or excessive at various points in their development. Though some do need professional help, many are victims of a culture that’s far too quick to attach a label such as ADHD, social anxiety, or bipolar disorder to every child who’s hard to manage or doesn’t fit in.  Barbara Probst asks: Is there really something wrong with all these children, or is there something wrong with the way they’re viewed, categorized, and treated? WHEN THE LABELS DON’T FIT proposes a radical new perspective: instead of viewing unusual or puzzling behavior as a symptom of disorder, we need to view it as exactly what it is: the extreme or out-of-context expression of a trait like perfectionism, intensity, or curiosity.

Please leave any questions you have for Ms. Probst here on the blog, and we’ll see what we can do to incorporate them into the show!