Parenting For Humanity Blog

For some reason, this summer I have been obsessed with clouds. I think we are having one of the best cloud summers ever in Colorado. I’m really not sure why this preoccupation came about, though I’ve always liked clouds, or at least since I painted them all over my son’s ceiling when he was 5. I remember then that suddenly, what was just background noise popped and became a constantly changing diorama of inspiration.

Painting makes you notice. Suddenly you stop seeing just the big picture and you see the details of what you are trying to capture. Recently I’ve found the same is true of writing. It’s impossible to try to capture what you aren’t paying attention to. Perhaps that is why I’m so entranced by clouds this summer. Perhaps I’m finally paying attention – to life, to where I am, and not just to where I’m putting my feet. (Yeah, we’ll see how long it will last ).

The clouds are never the same. I’m sitting outside on my deck, and there are new clouds compared to ten minutes ago when I sat down. They were light and fluffy, but the big gray one with little color differentiation has moved around from my peripheral vision into the front. I like change, in general.

Of course, what I like is movement, preferably aesthetic, not upheaval. (I’m eying that dark cloud suspiciously, and wouldn’t be very happy it if started raining on me). Sometimes when the proverbial big gray cloud comes around, and there really isn’t any detail to see, it’s hard to keep paying attention. I get that.

But looking down isn’t going to change what cloud is above you. One of my favorite therapists used to say, when you don’t know what else to do, just look up. Physically, look up. There is something about looking above the horizon that helps our outlook, both literally and metaphorically.

So whatever you would like to do, but aren’t actually doing, try paying attention and see what happens. Pay attention to the clouds for a while. Sit with a cup of coffee and see if you can just be with them for a while. (I lasted 5 minutes. I’ll try for 6 tomorrow).

And then, try paying attention elsewhere and see what changes.

Our August 31st radio show discusses paying attention – please join us!

Lisa

Here are some of the links we talked about on today’s show.

Today’s show- a frank discussion of talking about sex with your kids can be found at blogtalkradio, or you can find it on itunes by searching for our names.

Some of the books mentioned are It’s Perfectly Normal, It’s not the Stork, and It’s So Amazing. The author of all those books is Robie Harris.

The UU site has more information on the OWL program.

Some sites for teens:

www.goaskalice.columbia.edu
www.scarleteen.com
www.plannedparenthood.com/teen-talk/index.htm

More information about abstinence only programs failing our kids is found all over the web, but here’s a sampling:

http://www.openeducation.net/2009/01/05/abstinence-only-sex-education-statistics-final-nail-in-the-coffin/

Feel free to add your own resources in the comments section!

Thanks!

Join us as we ask influential author Alfie Kohn in-depth questions about his groundbreaking philosophy on Unconditional Parenting, Rewards, Homework, and other topics.

Many of our listeners are familiar with the work of Alfie Kohn.  (And if you aren’t, now is the time!)   Kohn’s books look at the research behind the “default” thinking about how we communicate with and parent our children, and help us find ways to connect with and teach our kids more effectively.   As his website states:

Alfie Kohn writes and speaks widely on human behavior, education, and parenting. The author of eleven books and scores of articles, he lectures at education conferences and universities as well as to parent groups and corporations. Kohn’s criticisms of competition and rewards have been widely discussed and debated, and he has been described in Time magazine as “perhaps the country’s most outspoken critic of education’s fixation on grades [and] test scores.”

I (Lisa) first met Alfie Kohn in person many years ago at a conference, and was very inspired by his presentation.  In the Q&A, though, I wanted to know, “so, now that we know all of this, how do we get kids to cooperate?”  I’ve read a lot of parenting books.  Even at that point, I had read a lot, and knew that most traditional parenting books give you a formula, and assurances that if you just follow it, you’ll be golden.  Where was the formula??  I still remember Kohn’s wry look when I asked the question, and I suspect it’s a look I’ve now given others.

Parenting is about developing relationships, and even more difficult, developing skills at relationships – not just in our kids, but in ourselves.  Instead of giving us easy answers and assurances, Kohn asks the tough questions.   He questions our assumptions about the nature of children, points out the euphemisms we use for parenting practices and the message they send, and challenges us to look beneath the common thinking about parenting.

This show will be a chance to explore some of those questions.  Don’t expect to hear potty training advice or 10 steps on how to get your child to clean his room.  Instead, prepare to come away with the feeling that even though you may now have even less formulaic answers than you did before,  it started your thinking going in new and intriguing ways.  At least, that is always how I feel after listening to this fascinating speaker.

We’ll be taking questions in advance over voicemail, facebook, and email. To leave us a voicemail, call (641) 715-3900 Extension 98407# . After you record your message, if you don’t like it, press #, and you can delete or re-record.  You are also welcome to leave questions here.

To set up a reminder for the show, to  join us live, or to listen to the archive afterward, please visit: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/parenting/2010/02/24/unconditional-parenting-with-alfie-kohn

Parenting For Humanity has a new voicemail number. 

To leave us a voicemail, call (970) 430-KIDS – (970) 430-5437.

Stay tuned – we have some exciting guests coming up this fall!

April 8th, Lisa Stroyan interviews T.J. McKenna, author of “Caution: Men at Housework: What Happens When Dad Stays Home with the Kids” – a hilarious look at parenting; and talks about tips for dads and tips for moms to support them.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/parenting/2009/04/08/Caution-Men-at-Housework

If you have questions for T.J. or stories about parenting from a dad’s perspective, please share them here, leave us a voicemail at 206-339-4342 .