Comments on: What’s going well? http://empathic-parenting.com/parentingforhumanity/blog/2008/08/28/whats-going-well/ Mon, 31 Oct 2011 15:37:24 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Angela http://empathic-parenting.com/parentingforhumanity/blog/2008/08/28/whats-going-well/comment-page-1/#comment-182 Angela Thu, 04 Sep 2008 00:33:57 +0000 http://empathic-parenting.com/parentingforhumanity/blog/?p=39#comment-182 Parenting in public is hard even for extroverts. Especially when corrective action is clearly required. Or... when your child makes a comment or asks a question that reveals politically IN-correct sensibilities. "Mommy that guy is fat!" "Mommy, why is her skin so brown?" (Both of which occurred in a grocery line with the focal person standing right next to us.) I recall giving a weak, apologetic smile to the offended party... then quietly offering a factual explanation of some sort to my child. "Well... people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and colors..." Then later in private, talking to them about how sometimes things we say that are true can sometimes hurt others feelings. I have had the good fortune of not needing to remove my boys from public settings due to a temper tantrum very often. I do recall once, however, giving my then 5 year old a warning that we would leave Magic Planet (an indoor play space) if he didn't stop playing so wildly and responding to my requests so disrespectfully. When he continued the offending behaviors, I followed through with my threat. We left. He was beside himself. I think it was one of my better parenting choices, because it helped him to take me seriously when I tell him a change in behavior was needed. I knew this to be true as a classroom teacher as well. Never make a threat that you are not prepared to follow through. I am often surprised by my eight year old's disrespectful tone towards me, in public and otherwise. I am not sure how to respond to that. It sometimes embarrasses me, because I'd always assumed that wouldn't appear until his teen years! Parenting in public is hard even for extroverts. Especially when corrective action is clearly required. Or… when your child makes a comment or asks a question that reveals politically IN-correct sensibilities. “Mommy that guy is fat!” “Mommy, why is her skin so brown?” (Both of which occurred in a grocery line with the focal person standing right next to us.) I recall giving a weak, apologetic smile to the offended party… then quietly offering a factual explanation of some sort to my child. “Well… people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and colors…” Then later in private, talking to them about how sometimes things we say that are true can sometimes hurt others feelings.

I have had the good fortune of not needing to remove my boys from public settings due to a temper tantrum very often. I do recall once, however, giving my then 5 year old a warning that we would leave Magic Planet (an indoor play space) if he didn’t stop playing so wildly and responding to my requests so disrespectfully. When he continued the offending behaviors, I followed through with my threat. We left. He was beside himself. I think it was one of my better parenting choices, because it helped him to take me seriously when I tell him a change in behavior was needed. I knew this to be true as a classroom teacher as well. Never make a threat that you are not prepared to follow through.

I am often surprised by my eight year old’s disrespectful tone towards me, in public and otherwise. I am not sure how to respond to that. It sometimes embarrasses me, because I’d always assumed that wouldn’t appear until his teen years!

]]>