Community Clean Up Discussion
This Friday, we are having a community discussion on cleaning-up strategies to use with our children.
How does cleaning up happen in your household? Do you believe that children should have assigned chores, does everyone clean together, or do you believe that by modeling a clean house, children will come to value order and keep it that way on their own?
What rules do you have around keeping the house clean? What strategies do you have to get children to help?
What are your biggest struggles around this issue?
If you would like to hear that you are not alone, and would like some new, creative strategies around cleaning up your home, please comment here and be sure to join us Friday, June 6th, at 10am MST, for our community discussion. To listen by phone or comment, please call (646) 716-8259. To listen on the internet (or to set a reminder in advance), go to this episode on BlogTalkRadio.
Talk to you soon!
Lisa and Amy
lstroyan:
My friend Dru writes:
The most effective strategy I’ve found for kids 2 year to 14 years (and counting) is to clean together, for the same length of time. It promotes a feeling of “teamwork”, helps me not feel so much like the house is ‘my’ responsibility, and avoids having the children stand in the middle of a room with no idea where to begin… or wandering off saying “I was done.”
It also allows each member of the household to clean to their ability level (dusting unbreakables (chairs/furniture/woodwork) & running things to the rooms they go in, swiffering floors for the little ones…doing laundry, loading/unloading dishwashers, vacuuming. making beds and dusting higher/more fragile areas for the older ones, for example).
4 June 2008, 12:15 amMelanie:
I have gradually worked in a few chores for my 7 year old son, like putting his dirty dishes on the counter, putting his pajamas in the laundry, and tidying his desk. As a single mom with one child, I believe in sharing the care of our little household, working together to finish the work that needs to be done but isn’t necessarily fun so we have more time to do the things we really want to do. I don’t want to pay my son for doing chores, as I would like him to be motivated by an internal desire to take care of his living space, which I do believe will eventually come. In the meantime, I have developed a few strategies for times when he balks at tidying up. On an especially challenging day, I might use them all!
1) We clean in spurts. I set the timer for 1/2 hour and when it goes off, I set it for 5 minutes, and we do as much clean-up as we can in that time. I repeat for as long as it takes.
2) We do each chore together, and I let my son choose which part he wants to do. As in, do you want to pick up the marbles, or do you want to hold the bag? Do you want to clean out the snail cage, or do you want to give them food and water?
3) We play clean-up games. Here are a few that I’ve come up with.
One is a search, where I ask him to look and find a particular item, or an item of a particular description, i.e. find three marbles, or find five things that are red and smaller than your hand, or find one thing in each room that bounces. As a variation, sometimes we take turns doing a clean-up adaptation of I Spy.
Another is a contest, which works best when we’re picking up a lot of the same thing, like legos, where we call out a color, and try to put all the legos of that color back in the container as fast as we can.
Still another is the game of Cleaning Robot, where I am the operator, and I tell the robot precisely what to do with a particular object, then press a “button” on his back to get him started. If I’m not precise, it doesn’t go where I want it to. And sometimes the robot “malfunctions”, and I have to “fix” it by doing a little light tickling up and down its back. My son likes this one so much that he often wants to keep on cleaning up even after we finished! The variation on this one, which I do seldom enough that it’s a real treat, is switch roles so he’s the operator and I’m the robot.
4) We do a pretend that incorporates cleaning up. My son has a very active imagination, and loves to pretend. The only parameters I give are that a) we have to clean up while we’re doing it, and b) it has to involve both of us. It’s amazing what he comes up with!
So you’ve probably noticed that all of these strategies include the two of us. My son does do clean-up by himself as well, when I have less patience, or need to be doing something else, or when he’s in that frame of mind. But the great thing about doing chores together is that we can do mine as well as his in the same way!
4 June 2008, 1:21 amblue:
I’m eager to hear more ideas- I’ve tried http://www.flylady.com from time to time, but I just get so overwhelmed. It seems like as soon as I get something tidied up my kids come through like a tornado and make it even worse.
4 June 2008, 4:55 pmGail:
We have taught our kids to do chores with us. Each of our 3 children have the same responsibilities, but with help as needed. We all work together to do a general clean up. We all help clean up after dinner. These strategies are great & they have revolutionized our lives to a point.
6 June 2008, 6:22 amMy question for you is, is it possible to get to a point where I don’t have to remind them of every step of every chore or daily maintenance detail? When they get up in the morning they don’t get dressed or brush teeth & hair until I tell them that they have to. I have to ask them to go back & clean up their breakfast dishes. Then I have to tell them to clean up their spoon too….and put away the milk… and the cereal… etc.
Is there anything that will make things work more smoothly, with less reminding every step of the way? I never wanted to be a nag.
Thanks!
Gail:
Oh I forgot to mention, I use some of the flylady techniques & they work great! Like any program you try it & keep what works best for you! I have learned to apply the 15 minute rule to many aspects of my life with huge success. I’m thrilled to be passing that on to my kids!
6 June 2008, 6:24 amSusan:
One of the things that made cleaning work in our house was making it fun- we had a cat that loved the vacuum cleaner and my daughter would lean over so he could ride on her back while she vacuumed!
6 June 2008, 12:47 pmamakice:
My friend MaryAnn writes:
We have had good luck with the ‘timed speed clean’. All three of us, 8 year old, 4 year old and 43 year old set the timer for 20 mins and clean a designated room such as one of their bedrooms or the playroom. I try to keep it fun and make it about sorting and finding the floor!
‘Massive Water Cleaning’. My kids enjoy water so when my son was about 5 I discovered he was actually pretty good at washing the kitchen floor. They like using a small mop, rags and sponges. We’ve expanded this to jobs like washing the counters, table, bathroom floor. The kids use way more water than I would, I limit the soap (mild dish soap) and it is fun and much cleaner in the end than when we started. I have to use a bath towel to do a big mop up at the end but while they clean a floor, I have time to clean something else like the toilet or the shower.
“More Clothes organization”. I have gotten each kid a hamper and have a small hamper in the kitchen and a big hamper in the bathroom (for towels). They are pretty good at putting the right things in the hamper. I then wash each child’s clothes alone so that they are all ready to sort into their own drawers. Its easy for me to do quick or on some days, they might even sort their own clothes into the drawers!
Also the Montessori method of having child-sized tools for children to use while cleaning is useful for us.Our Montessori teacher emphasizes that you can’t expect a preschool child to clean her own room- you have to participate with them or it’s too overwhelming.
6 June 2008, 1:35 pmamakice:
My friend Tanya writes:
I need organization in my life and a comfortable home. This has been important to me and my dh – always. So, my kids do chores. This is how it has worked for us.
At age 2 ~ at various points during the day or whenever things needed picked up I just start tidying and I sing a tidy up song. “It’s time to tidy up now, put your things away now.” Or “Tidy up, tidy up, it is time to tidy up now.” – Almost always they fall in line and imitate actions and singing cues.
At age 3 ~ continue with above with a bit more urgency. If they need to put something specific away, I ask them to do it. Assist them and guide them until the job is done. Let them assist with everything – laundry, cooking, etc. I expect a mess from this assistance – guide gently and celebrate largely.
Late 3 and 4 and 5 ~ Continue with above points. Assist them with putting away large messes. That said, I expect them to put things away they get out when I remind them. If I ask for them to put up one item or toy and they do not – then I tell them that if they need help, I will help but they need to put it up or else Mommy will put it up for the day. This needs to happen once and then they get the drift. Gentle consistent reminding, singing cues, cleaning up together…this all does the trick. Expectations increase with age. Celebrate giving the kids new responsibilities
Age 6-8 ~ Two daily chore times plus picking up after themselves (same as above with singing – but that is mainly because I have a young one – that would change without sibs). Chores include making bed, tidying room, getting self ready, and other designated chores: firewood, filling bird feeder, tidying shoes in mudroom, vacuuming, yard work. Also, my son is responsible for putting all his clean laundry in his drawers and keeping them organized. He takes on many responsibilities by himself.
A note about allowance – at 8 eldest started to get a weekly allowance which is NOT dependent on chores. We get allowance because as we grow older and responsible we need money. We do chores because we are a family and live together and make our home comfortable/run together.
Also, be a good role model. Kids strive to please. They do as they see. So, to have kids do chores/be organized/clean up after themselves then they need to see parents do it too.
As for older ages…I am just winging it. But, it will probably be more of the same. Actually, at this point chores are not a “chore” – they are just part of our daily rhythm.
6 June 2008, 1:37 pmlstroyan:
Great games, Melanie. Amy pointed out that I forgot to put in a link to my favorite cleanup games:
http://www.empathic-parenting.com/index_games.htm
Got more? I’d love to hear them.
6 June 2008, 3:27 pmLisa
amakice:
I just found the lyrics to the classic poem from “Free to be you and me” that Carol Channing performs about housecleaning. I always think though, that if I were just scrubbing an already clean bathroom, I could actually smile while doing housework. I love that the bottom line of this poem is “Do it together!”:
You know, there are times when we happen to be
Just sitting there, quietly watching TV,
When the program we’re watching will stop for a while
And suddenly someone appears with a smile,
And starts to show us how terribly urgent
It is to buy some brand of detergent,
Or soap or cleanser or cleaner or powder or paste or wax or bleach,
To help with the housework.
Now, most of the time it’s a lady we see,
Who’s doing the housework on TV.
She’s cheerfully scouring a skillet or two,
Or she’s polishing pots till they gleam like new,
Or she’s scrubbing the tub or she’s mopping the floors,
Or she’s wiping the stains from the walls and the doors,
Or she’s washing the windows, the dishes, the clothes,
Or waxing the furniture till it just glows,
Or cleaning the fridge or the stove or the sink,
With a light-hearted smile, and a friendly wink,
And she’s doing her best to make us think
The her soap, or detergent or cleanser or cleaner or powder or paste or wax or bleach,
Is the best kind of soap, or detergent or cleanser or cleaner or powder or paste or wax or bleach,
That there is in the whole wide world.
And, maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t,
And maybe it does what they say it will do,
But I’ll tell you one thing I know is true.
The lady we see when we’re watching TV,
The lady who smiles as she scours or scrubs or rubs or washes or wipes or mops or dusts or cleans,
Or whatever she does on our TV screens,
That lady is smiling because she’s an actress,
And she’s earning money for learning those speeches
That mention those wonderful soaps and detergents and cleansers and cleaners and powders and pastes and waxes and bleaches.
So, the very next time you happen to be
Just sitting there quietly watching TV,
And you see some nice lady who smiles
As she scours or scrubs or rubs or washes or wipes or mops or dusts or cleans,
Remember, nobody smiles doing housework but those ladies you see on TV.
Your mommy hates housework,
Your daddy hates housework,
I hate housework too.
And when you grow up, so will you.
Because even if the soap or cleanser or cleaner or powder or paste or wax or bleach
That you use is the very best one,
Housework is just no fun.
Children, when you have a house of your own,
6 June 2008, 3:49 pmMake sure, when there’s house work to do,
That you don’t have to do it alone.
Little boys, little girls, when you’re big husbands and wives,
If you want all the days of your lives
To seem sunny as summer weather,
Make sure, when there’s housework to do,
That you do it together!