Archive for May 2008
We finally made it into itunes search engine – yeay! Here we are. (I don’t know why the picture didn’t make it in!) If you like the show, and you have itunes, please consider writing a positive review for us – it would be great to have a few up there! Hope to hear from you next week….
Lisa
Our next topic on our radio show/podcast is on the topic of parenting proactively; i.e., as one dictionary put it, “Acting in advance to deal with an expected difficulty”.
When I first starting thinking about this topic, I was trying to tie it to nonpunitive parenting from last week. I remembered Amy and my discussion on the “balance” between permissive and authoritarian/punitive parenting, and how our goal might not be to find that balance at all, but to find a new way entirely. I thought, “Can we be nonpunitive but not be proactive?” Of course…it just means reacting in a gentler way, right? But felt like something was missing…. And then it hit me – Nonpunitive…minus proactive…doesn’t that equal permissive?
And, as we spoke of in the previous radio show, many parents are on this teeter-totter, where they are permissive until they can’t stand their kids, and then punitive until they can’t stand themselves. Being permissive leads to being punitive and vice versa, because they are opposite side of the teeter-totter. Being proactive is one way to step off the teeter-totter entirely, and probably one of the most effective ways.
When we are trying to avoid punishing our children, what we are rejecting is the idea of learning through fear and shame. The reason this sometimes feels permissive is that we are afraid that the learning will not happen at all.
None of this is to imply that children won’t learn anything without direct teaching. I am a firm believer in trusting children and often, just staying out of the way. Even this, though, requires much proactivity – adjusting the environment to be supportive; adjusting our own beliefs to be trusting; and protecting our children from consequences and people’s opinions that they are not yet ready to handle. There are many ways learning occurs – from natural development, to modeling, to direct instruction – and each leads to different ways we can help that learning.
However, learning rarely occurs in the moment of conflict. Our actions and ideas in the proactive realm – the times when there is connection and calm – are a large part of what create and influence that learning and help us maintain trust in our kids. Our reactions, our actions in the moment, can be relaxed to just those that keep everyone and items safe and as connected as possible until the calm returns and we can return to being proactive.
I hope you will listen in as we discuss ways of parenting proactively and answer your questions, Thursday, May 8th, 9PST/12EST. Please feel free to leave a comment or question in response to this entry…If we don’t fill the time with callers, we may use answer your question on the show.
Thank you all for tuning into our first radio show!! It went very well; and though I can tell we are both nervous, others have said they can’t. We have had over 100 downloads of the show and the number is growing. I’ve submitted our show to the Itunes podcast directory (though it hasn’t show up yet). In the meantime I’ve added a link to the right, which, if you have the itunes application on your computer, you can click on the link and it will subscribe you to our show. You can also enter your email address to get email notifications of when there is a new podcast or blog entry.
Second, I’d like to share a little tip with you…if you call in on our listener number just after the show starts, you can listen to the show without having to be on your computer!! However, be prepared with either a question or comment when we get to that part of the show, as unfortunately we have no way of knowing which callers are there just to listen in and which are calling to ask a question. Again, that number is (646) 716-8259.
Lastly, we’d love some questions to address on the next show in case we don’t have callers…you can email us at parentingforhumanity@gmail.com or you can add a comment to this page.
Thanks again for all of your support. We are looking forward to next week’s show, currently scheduled for 10 AM MST (9AM PST/12 EST) on the topic of parenting proactively. “See” you then!
Lisa Stroyan
